molls...she wrote

how does this make me feel? OR when was the first time i felt this way?

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 11:48:55 -0700

Does it freak me out that someone from the American Psychological Association has spent so much time reading my blog today?

Yes.

Do I think they are researching for some sort of study they are doing for people who live with bi-polar disorder and clearly don't know about it?

Probably.

Am I hoping that they email me with a diagnosis and some sorta coupon for some samples of Xanax or the like?

Deeply.

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trafficking

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 19:53:40 -0700

So I totally track my statistics for this site, for two reasons: 1) It's kind of interesting, and 2) I like to feed my neurosis.

Today I was looking at my stats and one of the features of the site I use is that it tracks the number of of readers I have in each city. I love seeing that I have a group of readers in Fort Worth. Do you guys all know each other? Do people in Fort Worth just relate to me? What's the deal?

Anyway, here are the top 10 cities people are reading this blog in:

1) Los Angeles, CA
2) New Britain, CT
3) Forth Worth, TX
4) Stanhope, NJ
5) Spokane, WA
6) Boston, MA
7) Brooklyn, NY
8) Plano, TX
9) Newport Beach, CA
10) Detroit, MI

Hey, guys.... thanks for reading.

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an open letter to the person at cornell who reads my blog

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:52:03 -0700

Dear Person at Cornell Who Reads My Blog,

Here's a list of things I have to say to you:

1) I can see you on my Site Meter.
2) I can tell that you read my blog a lot and check many pages per visit.
3) You should be far too intelligent to have any interest in anything I'm saying here.
4) That being said, I know you come here to mock my stupidity, so screw you. Go get your giggles elsewhere.

Love,

Molls

P.S. Email me?

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traffic

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 08:37:07 -0800

My traffic is off the charts today and I'm begining to suspect one of two things:

1) I am huge. I am blowing up overnight and I can't even handle it. Last night when I was sleeping with my dog, I became an overnight internet celebrity.

2) Someone is linking me.

I realize it's probably the second option.

If you're linking me or you know someone who is, drop me an email because I can't wait for the Google Alert.

mollsshewrote@gmail.com

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another sign that i'm pretty much a geek

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 17:29:45 -0800

I have to say that I am enormously turned on by the number of Mac users that regularly read my site. My SiteMeter tells me what kind of machine you're on, and whenever it's a Mac, I get a little bit excited.

You're hot, Mac users.

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adored world-wide

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 12:15:44 -0800

OH HAI, UPPSALA.

Pimpin' All Over The World

Ludacris ft Bobby Valentino

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life makes life better

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 15:57:58 -0800

I was having a pretty shitty morning considering I woke up with an overwhelming need to vomit, but then I ran into some of the things that make me really happy and the whole day has been turned around.

I signed up for my next improv class at UCB.

I saw that people all over the world were reading about me last night when I was sleeping:

Hey, Coogee.

And then Bootie LA read my diary and threw this into my RSS feed:

Invisible Belief

Divide & Kreate

Once I told a co-worker that if I ever got to see Genesis on a reunion tour, I would be crying topless in the front row the entire time. Why topless? I don't know... But it's whatever.

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i'm a sophisticated kind of bitch

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 14:55:21 -0800

Blakeley, my crazy boss who has recently gained a small amount of internet fame for his random acts of douchiness, set me up with SiteMeter to monitor my traffic.

I tend to think that most information of this nature is more harmful than helpful, as I have been confronted by the fact that I know for sure some people are reading this site that I don't want being interested in me or anything I do. Not my family or anything, more like creepy stalker-types who should have fucked off and died a long time ago.

I don't particularly care enough to stop writing or to make this blog private, but if you think you might be one of these people, please know that I mean that whole "fuck off and die" thing from the bottom of my curly-haired heart. Seriously, you should try it. P.S. For real. You're torturing yourself by reading this crap that I write. Find a hobby (may I suggest collecting doll house furniture?) or go read a book. Just stop paying attention to anything I do because it's all kinds of weird. Thank you.

What's interesting about this whole SiteMeter thing, beside the fact that it's reminded me how many losers I know, is that I've learned I have a great deal of readers from Europe and Asia. Do you know how exciting it is to check your stats and see that the last person who logged on to my page was from Malaysia or Glasgow? I knew about the flood of Australians who managed to find me, but the rest of you was a lovely surprise.

It kind of makes me feel like Ludacris. Pimpin' ALL over the world, you know?

P.S. Someone from Surrey has been reading my blog. Here's the thing about Surrey-- You know how it kind of sounds like Suri, as in Suri Cruise? Well, it's been speculated that Suri was named after the city of Surrey where the Scientologists have their European headquarters. Look: If I'm going to die at the hands of the Scientologists, I'm OK with that, I just would appreciate it if you could let me know beforehand so I can place my dog with someone and clean my apartment so my family doesn't have a lot of work to do when they are cleaning it out after the funeral.

[UPDATE] P.P.S. I should point out that if you have to ask me if I hate you, then I definitely don't hate you. Anyone who I was referring to shit themselves immediately after reading this post and promptly died. Also, sorry to be so hateful the night before Thanksgiving, but cowards get called out any day of the year 'round these parts.

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