molls...she wrote

comfortable girls

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Mon, 05 May 2008 01:54:53 -0700

I can't take credit for the original notion of the "Comfortable Girl", it was something that was relayed to my by my friend Lindy and originally it came from one of her friends in New York or something, but it's an idea that's been all up in my brain lately and I'd like to put out there my thoughts on this matter.

A Comfortable Girl is basically that girl you know who is super comfortable in her skin in a way that most people you meet just aren't. We all know different kinds of Comfortable Girls, but their MO is more or less the same. They live with their boyfriend of six years in Santa Monica and have no plans of getting married, but this doesn't strike any fear in them. They are just happy being with their partner. They carry a big ass tub of tea tree balm in their purse and apply it frequently and liberally regardless of the situation they are in. In fact, their purse isn't a purse, it's a big ol' sack, and not in a Birkin sense, in a "free NPR tote" kind of way. They may have a personalized Moleskin their college roommate gave them "years ago" that they keep interesting articles about whales and dog parks in stuffed in the bag. There's probably also a Tupperware container of homemade tabbouleh in there that they will pull out and eat in line at the bank.

Comfortable Girls aren't high matenence in any sense, but they always look pretty because they have mastered the art of the stress-free glow. They can confidently accept a compliment and they are unaware of the insecurity this strikes in the other females around them. They are typically physically fit, and this could be because they are down to strike a yoga pose at any point. In fact, some of the most comfortable girls can manage to pull off a yoga outfit as actual clothing and not something you purchased to sweat into.

I'm not bashing these girls, I am in awe of them. To be able to walk through life without any visible neurosis is a skill that I will never be able to acquire. I am a 24 year old chick who uses wrinkle cream because I need it, OK? But I'm keeping it interesting with all my crazy bullshit, and the same goes for all the people I love the most and keep the closest to me. These Comfortable Girls are just spiritually in the Downward Dog position, they have no idea they are a threat to your average basketcase. Next time you're talking to one of these girls and you catch a whiff of their freshly baby shampoo-washed and air-dryed hair, think of what I just relayed to you and relax knowing that you're hip to their game.

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lady things

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 23:10:54 -0800

This morning I woke up drunk and ate an orange in bed. Then I started getting really sick and proceeded to vomit for about four hours, on and off.

I'm chill now, don't worry. Wagandstuff gets the cutest look on his face when I barf. He's all "HEY MOM! DON'T THROW THAT GOOD STUFF IN THE TOILET! I'LL EAT IT!"

I went to Vera's for a birthday lunch. She made a TON of food, all really healthy and delicious because that's how she rolls. It was me in a room of about 8 other women for upwards of four hours. That happens... never. It's not that I don't like women, which is something I may have mistakenly said in the past when I didn't have the right words for it. I've come to realize it's not that I dislike other women, it's that I am bad at them. Bad at them the way I was at jumping the hurdles in gym class-- I would run toward it, but as soon as I'd get there, I would completely fall apart. I was afraid of tripping on it and falling. I'm not leading up to some sort of metaphor, I'm just sharing. I guess maybe there could be a metaphor there, because it really is more of a fear than anything. I just feel like I have to play my cards right all the time with other women... don't seem neurotic, look good, keep interested and alert during conversation... so like, pretty much don't be me. That's a lot of pressure. It's bullshit insecurity and I'm writing about it on the internet. How self-indulgent! This is ice cream for narcissists, this blogging stuff!

But yeah, lunch was great. I really enjoyed everyone there. It makes sense that Vera has excellent taste in people. I got her a Chia Pet and some stickers shaped like fish.

I wanted to go to UCB tonight, but I had to pass because I needed to go home and start getting my life together. My weekends have been seeming SO much longer with the increase of my work schedule-- hours and minutes have started meaning much more, yet I still feel totally unproductive during that two day span every week. I should totally work on that.

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daydreams

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 15:31:52 -0800

What if I had a show on Oprah's new network, OWN?

Yeah, OWN. As in "That owns face" or "Having my own show on Oprah's new network would totally own".

So yeah, so here's what my show would be:

It would be called MollsNThings and it would be me talking to people who interest me about subjects that interest me. It would rarely cover anything newsworthy. Like, I could have Ron Jeremy on and we'd talk about how much fun New Wave music was and do our impressions of what we'd think it'd sound like if The Strokes covered "Too Shy" by Kajagoogoo. Then we'd probably eat some snacks or try on fun hats from the Fun Hat Corner of the set. Or what if I had on someone like Mary Kay Letourneau and we talked about fish they find in the ocean that look kind of like mermaids? And then she gave us her mother's brownie recipe? And then because it's on OWN we give everyone a bunch of free shit? But the important thing to remember is that this would all work some how without being all over the place. Somehow we'll have it make perfect sense.

Anyway, that's just what I was thinking could maybe happen sometime in the future.

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jammer time

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 19:51:19 -0800

Here's a sweet mash-up I was just listening to:

Step to Silence (DJ Matt Hite Mashup)

DJ Matt Hite

On an unrelated note, I was thinking about how much I can't stand scatological humor today and how often I am disappointed to hear adults rely on it like school children. It's childish, and not in a fun way, like Rainbow Bright and sticker collections. In a bad way, like peer-pressure and most of my ex-boyfriends.

I realize that it's completely ridiculous to be more offended by a fart joke than say, something about some drunk college slut's mutilated vagina, but HEY-- that's just how I am.

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girls next door

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Sun, 25 Nov 2007 23:04:08 -0800

I don't really have guilty pleasures, mainly because I challenge their existence (See: This Chuck Klosterman essay), but there are a few things I won't admit I enjoy immediately when meeting a person. These things include the major motion picture A Walk to Remember, Kelly Clarkson and E!'s The Girls Next Door. While the first two are arguably more embarrassing than a television show chronicling the exploits of Playboy bunnies, I still cringe when telling someone for the first time, "yeah, I saw that episode, too".

Get it? There's three of them and they are also IN a three!

It actually is a pretty decent show, as far as celebreality goes. It's not Anna Nicole, but there's a lot more substance there than you might get with say, Run's House, the most awful show to ever air on television, ever (Oh, and can we chat for a second about how Rev Run is constantly making noises that can only really be described as uhhhh, well, "retard noises"? What the fuck is wrong with him? Does he really want his message to be "I am a faithful, hardworking musical genius and family man... who also loves cracking a good 'tard joke"? I think fucking not, Rev Run. Reconsider some things.) GND is pretty great mainly because the three women are so different from each other and so different from everyone else on the planet. I wouldn't say they are all dumb (except Kendra, who is definitely dumb), there is just a slight alien-like quality about each one of them, as if they are just a little bit extra removed from the real world than the average spacey/weird person.

I've been thinking tonight a little bit about what these women would have done with themselves if it wasn't for Hugh Hefner. I decided that Bridget would have been OK no matter what, Holly would have been a high-class stripper, and Kendra would work at a Sav-On until she met a nice husband who let her dyke out on weekends and drink all the orange soda she ever wanted from the comfort of their Jennifer Convertible. There's some serious pros and cons of being one of Hef's girlfriends, too. It could either make you or break you, depending on how well-off you were before he scooped you up. If you started out as a former drug-addict who just spent all your savings on a new pair of tits (Kendra), then Hef is going to boost you up in the world. This is a fact. If you are a lively, somewhat intelligent woman interested in furthering your education at any cost and raising a family some day (Bridget), then maybe you should reconsider shacking up with the oldest perv in the game.

Hef with his full face of casket-ready make-up

Here are the pros and cons I can think of (nothing's thought out, I'll probably think of more and edit them in later):

Pro: In becoming a Hefner GF, you are officially a part of American pop-culture history. A seedy, specialized part of history, but nonetheless...
Con: In becoming a Hefner GF, you are automatically labeled a faux-polygamist slut by a great deal of the population. Do with that what you will.
Pro: You get to live in the Playboy mansion, a beautiful and historical estate.
Con: The Playboy Mansion supposedly ain't what it used to be. First of all, it looks like it smells like an old man's house. Probably because a very old and rigid man lives there. He may fuck 20 year olds, but Hef's just as much of a cranky senior citizen as your great aunt who yells at you for leaving the house without an undershirt on. You can bet that the entire time he's railing you, he is discussing the details of his last bowel movement and how he can't believe how much the electric bill is. Secondly, the majority of the house is still decorated the way it was when it was first built. One can imagine that 40 year-old orange shag carpeting isn't as fab as it once was.
Pro: You get a ton of free shit. Lingerie, jewlery, hair, make-up, cars, clothing...
Con: In exchange for the free stuff, you have to be photographed naked and have sex with an 80 year old man. In all seriousness, it really just depends on how much a life-time supply of pasties is worth to you.
Pro: Many American men still idealize the quintessential Playboy Bunny-- blond hair, fake boobs, tiny waists and wit that falls between medium bright and dim. You'd undeniably be worshiped in most workplaces that have cement floors (repo lots, auto shops and anything of mill-like in nature) and prisons.
Con: Androgyny's been in for a minute, homegirls. Us flat chested bitches are just getting our chance. Drag queens wont be taking over in the mainstream for a couple seasons at least (but yes, they've been on their way in for awhile now). Point is: you'll be re-touching those roots for at least another year before the masses start to take notice of you again.

Honestly? I like that Bridget has a little meat on her bones... Whore bones.

I realize that I sound pretty hateful. I'm actually not at all (heck, I've even admitted to wanting to skank it up for Dov Charney.) I kind of actually like these women, but it's just pretty clear to me that what they do would never be right for me, despite all the time I spend thinking about how easy it would be to get up, throw on some nipple tassels and already be at work.

It's a pretty good show. You should watch it.

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blow my fucking mind, why don't you?

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 13:27:47 -0700

So I was chatting with a friend today and he told me he was going to type my info to this site and find out the details of my astrology.

To be honest, I believe in astrology only when it applies to me in a positive way. Basically, if my horoscope says "You are awesome and others admire you" or something, I'm on board, but if it says "You will soon experience a rough patch in a close relationship", I think that it's a bunch of bullshit that doesn't apply to me. It's not that I can't fathom that there's a grain of truth in it, it's just that it's a little over my head in terms of things I care to think about. I'd really rather be reading about Scientology or weird vagina conditions or something. ANYWAY... I actually was really surprised with what came out. The traits they described are exactly who I am.

Look for yourself:

Sun in Capricorn

You are much more serious than others your age. On the one hand, you like being taken seriously and enjoy having responsibility, but on the other hand you see that other young people aren't saddled with such responsibilities, and you tend to envy them.

You may develop a rather odd and unusual sense of humor. Through jokes and humor, you show that you recognize the seriousness of life, but you also escape from its overwhelming effects.

When you grow up, you want to be important and achieve something real that everyone can point to as yours. You are ambitious in everything you do and will work very hard to excel over others.

You are very practical and always ask what good something is.

OH SNAP!, right?

Anyone who's reading this who knows me is definitely all, "OH SNAP!" right now. 'Cause that's me! Had any one little sentence been missing from that paragraph the whole thing could be chalked up to coincidence.

AND THEN HE JUST SHOWED ME THIS!:

Moon Trine Venus

Your emotions are rich and beautiful, and you express them to others so that people like you for what you really are. You have an amazing ability to get along with people; you like them, and they like you.

If the people around you start fighting with each other, you try to make peace between them.

You like to be around beauty, and you will have a great appreciation of art, literature and music.

The only serious flaw indicated by this aspect is that you may not be inclined to work or even play very hard. You prefer ease and comfort to strenuous activity.

AND THIS!:

Mars in the Fifth House 5th hs

You have a great need to express yourself and to be yourself openly. You say whatever is on your mind and let everyone know your mood. For this reason, you have a reputation for honesty, if not tact.

You put a great deal of energy into all your activities, but especially into whatever you do for fun. It is difficult for you to remain cooped up for long, because you get restless unless you are really enjoying your work. Basically you prefer play to work. As an adult, however, you may succeed by choosing a career that is really 'fun' for you.

So I can't really describe how I feel about all of this, because I pretty much feel like I'm shrooming right now, minus the visuals.

I've pretty much spent all this time on my journey of self-actualization thinking that I was just a crazy bitch, but it turns out that because of the way the sun was lined up with a whole bunch of stars on the day and time and place I was born, I was predisposed to being a crazy bitch. That's amazing!

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another reason to read jezebel

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:34:57 -0700

Showers are for Uglies.

Something I've believed to be true for quite some time.

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