100 posts tagged “random”

so I immediately got stoned, dressed up like a pirate and blasted some jams with my dog. 

To be fair, I tried to remove these people's last names to give a sense of decency to this whole thing or whatever, 'cause God bless these people and whatever their problems are... but I don't know either one of them and I'm not sure who this Mike character is and if I know him IRLsies or if he reads Defamer or this blog or whatever. Maybe he's from Tumblr, I don't know. But either way, since everyone's quite freely expressing their feelings about your situation tonight, I feel like I need to tell you Mike (hoping you're reading this) that 1) I don't like how your friend Celene handled this publicly and 2) EASY on the Facebook relationship updates. "It's Complicated" looks creepy as it is, but when you go from "It's Complicated" to "Single", everyone knows it's cause you couldn't pull the fucking trigger. Or you got dumped, which is also embarrassing. I know this isn't high school, but let's face it: Once you hit your mid-20s and people from your childhood are having freaking weddings on The Cape, it almost gets worse then getting dumped via a note written in jelly pen after second period Italian Level 2, ya know? Suddenly you have to start handling shit more gracefully because you don't wanna lose your rep with your homies, basically. So keep that shit tight. Keep it close. You only need to touch that "save" button once in a blue moon when you meet a person that you like, KNOW IN ADVANCE that you want to make it work with... because putting it out there for everyone from your former co-workers to your second cousins to see makes you vulnerable and it sets off bells in the minds of crazies. I don't need to explain the second part of the last sentence because really awesome people already know what I mean.

Anyway, I think what I just said is all pretty fair. 

- I feel mocked
- I feel more self-aware
- I feel like IRL, Carles would hate me
- I feel like my life is a little bit of a joke
- I feel like I have the shelf-life of an LOLCat made in the LOLCat Builder by just some normal person.
- I feel like I'm not sure I'm in on my own bit anymore.
- I feel like a shell of a man.
- I feel like that song "Measure of a Man" by Clay Aiken.
- I feel misunderstood.
- I feel self-conscious because of my self-important attitude
- I feel like I'm having my insecurities preyed upon.
- I feel like a victim of memes and the meme economy

It's still my favorite blog though. Because I "get it".

A lot of people think I party and/or drink every night. This is more accurate.

So, I've been sitting here in sunglasses for hours, I don't know why. I put them on to see how they felt on my face and I forgot.

For the last half hour I have been doing disgusting things to the brownies that my number one supporter (who's not my mom) Lorraine sent me in the mail. They are from a store in Akron called West Point Market and they are the best brownies I've ever had in my life.

If you're going to send baked goods over the holidays, send them from a place like this over 1-800-Flowers or something. I dunno, the idea of brownies from 1-800-Flowers makes me nervous.

Anyway, thank you again, Lorraine. If I haven't jammed my spit-covered fingers in all of them before I see Alexis tonight, she just may get one, too.

The best thing to happen so far today?

Seeing that a little boy named Will took the time to include the message "Meowhead" on his charity Christmas orniment at Coffee Bean. All the other kids just wrote their names. If "Meowhead" is something the kids are saying, I don't want to know. I'd like to think that Will came up with this on his own and that it has its own special meaning.

Will's parents should read my blog and know that other people appreciate the awesomeness that they created.

"Meowhead"! It fucking kills me!

OK, so I've tried on a pair of William Rast jeans and I see 'em in the glossies and stuff, but I'd probably never buy them ever because I can't get over the J.Timbers connection.

Justin Timberlake is actually surprise girl boner material for me because normally I don't buy in to the whole "fly and sexy" thing with men. I am too awkward, in my personal opinion, to be attracted to man like say... Usher. Molls and Usher Raymond? Never gonna happen. Also Molls and Robin Thicke. Both of those guys are married. I'm trying to think of someone else who's just like, "sexy" and "totally crushable" or whatever but that I can't get behind because they are too slick or whatever... Like, if it were the 90s, I couldn't date pretty much any dude that was a part of a popular musical act like All 4 One or Color Me Badd. I can't kick it with that kind of dude. But I do love Justin. And this is on my long list of favorite songs to sing in the shower:

There are fucking levels there man, let me tell you. There are mother fucking levels.

I'm still not gonna go buy his jeans, I guess was my point. Sorry. I fade in and out.

That's what I have to say about that.