9 posts tagged “porn”
OK, so she has dark curly hair and I can see the slight facial similarities, but let me tell you guys: From what I can tell, not even my ass cheeks are as big as her breasts. And that's what we're all looking at, right? Are you guys making me out to be a horndog? Her boob could be an infant's head between it's size and the way she's holding it. I feel like it was an artistic choice on the photographer's part to have your eye drawn directly to her chest, right? That's why it's porn. Don't make me out to be some sicko.
Flattered as I am, I would say I look nothing like this lady.
Fucking asshole.
You know, I'm going to be honest about something I've been keeping inside lately.
I hate the word "charticle".
I don't like the way it looks, I don''t like the way it rolls off my tongue and sticks inside my ears like the echo of a church bell and I definitely don't like the horrible images that come to mind when I think of it.
(For those of you who are curious, it's NSFW (if you work at one of those boring places), but you can see what I see in my mind here.)
I don't really have guilty pleasures, mainly because I challenge their existence (See: This Chuck Klosterman essay), but there are a few things I won't admit I enjoy immediately when meeting a person. These things include the major motion picture A Walk to Remember, Kelly Clarkson and E!'s The Girls Next Door. While the first two are arguably more embarrassing than a television show chronicling the exploits of Playboy bunnies, I still cringe when telling someone for the first time, "yeah, I saw that episode, too".
It actually is a pretty decent show, as far as celebreality goes. It's not Anna Nicole, but there's a lot more substance there than you might get with say, Run's House, the most awful show to ever air on television, ever (Oh, and can we chat for a second about how Rev Run is constantly making noises that can only really be described as uhhhh, well, "retard noises"? What the fuck is wrong with him? Does he really want his message to be "I am a faithful, hardworking musical genius and family man... who also loves cracking a good 'tard joke"? I think fucking not, Rev Run. Reconsider some things.) GND is pretty great mainly because the three women are so different from each other and so different from everyone else on the planet. I wouldn't say they are all dumb (except Kendra, who is definitely dumb), there is just a slight alien-like quality about each one of them, as if they are just a little bit extra removed from the real world than the average spacey/weird person.
I've been thinking tonight a little bit about what these women would have done with themselves if it wasn't for Hugh Hefner. I decided that Bridget would have been OK no matter what, Holly would have been a high-class stripper, and Kendra would work at a Sav-On until she met a nice husband who let her dyke out on weekends and drink all the orange soda she ever wanted from the comfort of their Jennifer Convertible. There's some serious pros and cons of being one of Hef's girlfriends, too. It could either make you or break you, depending on how well-off you were before he scooped you up. If you started out as a former drug-addict who just spent all your savings on a new pair of tits (Kendra), then Hef is going to boost you up in the world. This is a fact. If you are a lively, somewhat intelligent woman interested in furthering your education at any cost and raising a family some day (Bridget), then maybe you should reconsider shacking up with the oldest perv in the game.
Here are the pros and cons I can think of (nothing's thought out, I'll probably think of more and edit them in later):
Pro: In becoming a Hefner GF, you are officially a part of American pop-culture history. A seedy, specialized part of history, but nonetheless...
Con: In becoming a Hefner GF, you are automatically labeled a faux-polygamist slut by a great deal of the population. Do with that what you will.
Pro: You get to live in the Playboy mansion, a beautiful and historical estate.
Con: The Playboy Mansion supposedly ain't what it used to be. First of all, it looks like it smells like an old man's house. Probably because a very old and rigid man lives there. He may fuck 20 year olds, but Hef's just as much of a cranky senior citizen as your great aunt who yells at you for leaving the house without an undershirt on. You can bet that the entire time he's railing you, he is discussing the details of his last bowel movement and how he can't believe how much the electric bill is. Secondly, the majority of the house is still decorated the way it was when it was first built. One can imagine that 40 year-old orange shag carpeting isn't as fab as it once was.
Pro: You get a ton of free shit. Lingerie, jewlery, hair, make-up, cars, clothing...
Con: In exchange for the free stuff, you have to be photographed naked and have sex with an 80 year old man. In all seriousness, it really just depends on how much a life-time supply of pasties is worth to you.
Pro: Many American men still idealize the quintessential Playboy Bunny-- blond hair, fake boobs, tiny waists and wit that falls between medium bright and dim. You'd undeniably be worshiped in most workplaces that have cement floors (repo lots, auto shops and anything of mill-like in nature) and prisons.
Con: Androgyny's been in for a minute, homegirls. Us flat chested bitches are just getting our chance. Drag queens wont be taking over in the mainstream for a couple seasons at least (but yes, they've been on their way in for awhile now). Point is: you'll be re-touching those roots for at least another year before the masses start to take notice of you again.
I realize that I sound pretty hateful. I'm actually not at all (heck, I've even admitted to wanting to skank it up for Dov Charney.) I kind of actually like these women, but it's just pretty clear to me that what they do would never be right for me, despite all the time I spend thinking about how easy it would be to get up, throw on some nipple tassels and already be at work.
It's a pretty good show. You should watch it.
I spent yesterday morning working on the set of a porn movie. I was filming/interviewing for Fleshbot.com, a porn site that falls under Gawker.
I don't quite know what it was that I was expecting, probably drugs and sluts and loose morals and trashy people... but honestly? It was really fun. Everyone was super nice-- the ladies were sweet as pie and the men were quiet and approachable. The atmosphere on the set was great. Everyone was there to laugh and have a good time and really didn't mind being there. I ask you to go find me an office somewhere where all the employees are genuinely happy to be there and excited to get work done.
It was surprisingly not embarrassing or awkward at all. It didn't matter to me that I had to watch two girls suck another girls nipples for an extended period of time. It was so clearly fake that there was nothing to be uncomfortable about... they just as easily could have been playing tennis. Seriously! I know that it's an unbelievable thought, but their actions were completely normal seeming.
I know all of this might sound like I have some strange morals or something and believe me, I never thought that I'd be watching some nice Asian girls crawl around naked while draped in plastic beads, but now I truly believe that there's nothing wrong with what these people do. I think if more people had the chance to visit a set, the porn world would make a lot more sense to everyone and not be such an enigma.
Here's a photograph to commemorate:
