22 posts tagged “it's whatever”
Guess what this person is dressed up as...
Give up???
Dina Lohan.
Well apparently, that's what happened. I guess I threw away a jar of peanut butter yesterday in my kitchen and then brought the bag in my room to throw away some papers and I meant to bring it down to the dumpster, but I mean, that's just not my style. I like to sit on my mess for a few days/weeks/months/my entire fucking life. The top was on the jar when I threw it away, too. Not only is Wagandstuff an asshole, but he is incredibly dexterous.
It's whatever. It's fine.
Last night was awesome, for the most part. By the time I got home I was really mad for a few reasons... fuming. Basically, I went to bed drunk and furious, which is a terrible combination. I had a nightmare. A really awful nightmare that has me on the verge of tears still today. I really feel like anything could push me off the edge into Crybaby City and I'm really hoping that my improv class this morning can get rid of this feeling, although I have a sense that it's only going to rub me a little more raw. Basically, I'm looking forward to today.
NOT!
(Yeah, I just wrote "NOT!". I'm bringing it back, don't be a jerk. I'm sensitive today.)
My nightmare is kind of hard to remember at this point, but this is what I know happened for sure: I was back at HBO for some reason, writing kind of the way I did at ThisJustIn, but things were A LOT MORE INTENSE and there was a big board meeting with all kinds of staff. As if it were real life, Dream Molls had literally not left the office for 30 days. I was wearing my BC hoodie and my hair was EVERYWHERE but I was really proud of what I had been able to pull together for this board of people to review. I went in to the meeting and immediately felt judged by these people for my appearance, and as the meeting went on, the kept cutting me off. Finally someone cut me off and I said really loudly, almost screaming "EXCUSE ME?! ARE YOU NOT LISTENING TO ME?!" and everyone in the room was like "GOD, MOLLY! He was finishing his sentence!" and I was all "I was finishing my sentence. Someone finally asked me what I thought about things and HE didn't even let ME finish." Then everyone in the room was all "We're going to have to take this back to New York with us", meaning the angry fit I had was going to be reported to someone of a higher authority than all of us. HBO responded not by firing me, but by having a slanderous article written about me in New York Magazine, with a headline that was something like "Molly McAleer-- HBO's Benedict Arnold"... which is just insane. I woke up shortly after that. I was asleep long enough to see how this outburst completely ruined my life and that's about it. I never saw if things got better or if I got to do a Barbara Walter's interview to clear my name. I mean, whatever. I have no idea what it means, but mentally/emotionally, I'm dying right now.
I went on a date with this dude like a month ago or something and we were in his car and he was all "Do you like the Pixies?" and I was all "Yeah, definitely" and he was all "Good". The way he said it really got under my skin. What if I didn't like the Pixies? Was I supposed to be dishonest? Had I said no was I supposed to get out of the car and never call him again? His investment in the Pixies bothered me. It wasn't even his personal investment that was the issue, it was that he cared so much about whether or not he liked them that I had to like them too. I had to meet his Pixie Approval.
What's funny about this is the dude I am talking about is not the only person to ask me about my enjoyment of the Pixies in recent months, so there are probably a couple people who will think I'm referring them. If you think I'm talking about you, I'm probably not. Unless you're an aggressive jerk... then I'm definitely describing you.
Hey Bill,
Well, I'm sure you're as familiar with me as I am with you, so introductions aren't necessary. Still, you're probably wondering why I'm writing to you. What could I possibly have to say? Well, Bill Hader... I'm writing to tell you that I think you may be my future ex-husband.
Here, look at this picture of you:
You've probably heard this before, but you look kinda like Michael J. Fox in his McFly years. Anyone who knows me (which I'm sure you do, loosely) knows that that Michael J. is my most favorite Michael J. and my number one crush of all time. So really, you have to understand that by waking up every day with that face, you have put yourself in this position. Fuck the fact that you're funny. Funny is a dime a dozen in this town. I'm looking for a man with the face of an angel.
So, good news: you've won my heart. Now what are we going to do about it? I'm thinking for our first "date" (really just an activity to keep us busy until it's socially appropriate for us to get married), we take apart VCRs and use the parts to build a robot/snow cone machine. Fun, right?
Call me!
molls
I'm not even going to pretend to know what I'm actually talking about when it comes to football or the Superbowl or anything sports-related, really, but I will say that while he's no Tom Brady, Eli Manning isn't too bad lookin'. At least from what I could tell while fast forwarding through his interview with David Letterman. At least he looks less like a moose in the face than most football players that come to mind.
Tom Brady is a really good looking man, though. Duh.
It's raining and I'm cold and hungry. For a period of about eleven seconds I thought to myself, "Gee, it would be really nice to have a boyfriend right now."
Do you wanna know what's really nice?
Doin' whatever the fuck I want.
BAM!
Friday night we celebrated my birthday.
These two won for Shit Shows of the Party:
Here are some highlights that weren't captured on film:
1) Some of the guests found a cute Asian girl passed out in a prom dress in the middle of the street. No one knew her, but they dragged her in the house and threw her on the couch to sleep off her situation. Apparently she was shrooming. Her friends showed up a couple hours later, and I don't know any other way to describe them except to say that they looked like they were from the future. They were both dressed to be extras in Back to the Future 2. I really don't know what else to say.
2) I am an unfortunate bitch. I know I got up in at least one person's face. I'm pretty sure there's at least one person who seriously dislikes me for it.
3) Ed tried to scrap with this comedian friend of the person who's house we were at. Ben tried to scrap with a girl who kept taking pictures of me. Z tried to scrap with a few people, I think.
4) This girl brought cupcakes. I don't think they were for everyone, but I ate one anyway. It was delicious.
5) I was hugging aggressively and brunt someone behind me with a cigarette. She kept saying it was OK, but it obviously wasn't. Hey Girl I Burnt, if you're reading this for some reason, I'll totally pay for your dry cleaning.
6) I kept calling some girl named Christine "Michelle".
7) The landlord showed up and for the rest of the night you could hear someone going "SHHHHHHHHHHH!" about every thirty seconds.
It was a seriously fun night, despite occasional weirdness on the part of me and my crazy friends.
One of these days we're going to find a place that can handle our shenanigans.
Go to Target first whenever you need anything ever.
I needed to replace the firewire I "accidentially took" when I was working for HBO, which was eaten by the firewire monster sometime this week. I'm still not sure exactly what kind of firewire it is, but I got the one I needed after a lot of unnecessary effort.
I went to Radio Shack in my neighborhood. The lady behind the counter laughed at me when I asked for a firewire. Some nice man in the store had heard of what I was talking about and took me over to the wires section. They didn't have any. The nice AND extremely helpful man who wasn't even a Radio Shack employee said that there was another Radio Shack at Vermont and 2nd and that I might want to try calling over there too see if they had it.
So I did. I called the place on Vermont and 2nd. Wanna know what they did? Laughed at me again when I said "firewire" and hung up the phone. I know, I know the words "fire" and "wire" rhyme. I know people probably aren't looking for video cable as much as they are batteries in Koreatown, I know that that request might stand out in your mind for a blink of a second as something that you may not have heard that day or in awhile... but to laugh and hang up? What level of retardation is going on over there? So, I'm furious, basically.
I called a friend and told him to go buy me a firewire and that I'd pay him back when he brought it to me. Because he's a better friend than I am generally as a person, he agreed to do this. He goes to a Radio Shack in his area and calls me from there saying that they only have 4-prong on both ends type dealies, which just aren't going to fly with my camera.
Ed and I went to go pick up his BMW from the repair shop last night, and after we decided to go check Best Buy for my cord and this movie he wanted. When we get there, I approach a female employee and show her my camera and tell her what I need. She says "let me see if we have it" and starts typing a bunch of shit into a computer at her workstation. I'm thinking to myself "We can't be more than twenty yards from wherever these wires are, why don't we just go look with our eyes?" She said that according to the computer, there were none left in the store. I asked her where the wires were, and she said "Why? Do you need you piece of mind?". I was all "Yes, actually." and she pointed to a rack about 10 feet away. Whore.
Ed says that she had an engagement ring on, which pissed both of us off, because not only was she a miserable employee at a mediocre retail store, but somehow someone decided that she was the woman they wanted to spend their life with. Un.fucking.believable. I'm in no rush to get married, but it's disappointing to see that she's getting snatched up before me. I decided that she probably has low self-esteem and/or her husband is verbally abusive/she got knocked up young and did the shotgun thing. OK, I take it all back, I feel bad. But I will say that when we asked her if she thought Target would carry the wires, she said "No. Target doesn't carry items like that at all."
That bitch was WRONG! I walked right into Target, asked for my cable and was out of there 10 minutes later having spent half of what I thought I was going to have to.
Target, you are the jam.
