17 posts tagged “i am awesome”
The fact that I only thought about giving her the PM for about .5 seconds is my shining achievement in good-personhood this year. I mean, when you boil it down, like really... I kinda prevented a drug related car crash that night, you guys. That's like that show, Early Edition. But with catty broads. If you ignore me going to jail for drugging someone.
Me: They came… that’s how I sign my name.
Friend: Is that your real signature?
Me: On packages and stuff.
Friend: It looks like a fucking turkey.
Today was too hectic. Tonight is the opening on Spring Awakening and I'm crossing the ol' phalanges for a Shenae sighting.
Here's some Phish. We used to listen to this song in college and be like "We're really, really chill right now. This room is an epicenter of deep thoughts and cool attitudes.":
"Hey Dick Nuggets. I think I left my bowl in your car, so don't park in front of a police station before you come over later today unless you have secured the piece and have properly concealed it. If you're looking for a good spot to keep it, I would suggest sticking it in all that extra room you have in your nutbag. Later, Fagforce 1."
I am an awesome friend and everyone is lucky to know me.
The last thought exiting my mind as I woke up from my dreams this morning was the following sentence:
"Everyone was disgusted with Seamus when they found out he was drawing pictures of dead animals all over the back of the classroom at The Center for Vegans."
I know no one named Seamus, and as far as I could tell, the rest of my dream was about sailing and trash collection, so I don't know where this came from. But is there really a Center for Vegans? If there is and you are an employee or patron of The Center for Vegans, you should check to see if there's pictures of hand drawn dead animals around or something. Maybe all of this means I'm psychic.
EDIT: I took out the person's name who this CD belongs to because I don't want anyone to track her down, break into her car and steal it because it's so awesome.
How many of YOU woke up with proof in your mailbox that Adnan cheated on Britney?!
Depending on where "former gang member" falls on your cool scale, I am arguably the coolest person in my building. This is a hollow victory for me, much like the summer I was the coolest girl in the summer class my mom enrolled me in for kids with dyslexia.
