3 posts tagged “i'm an asshole”
1: Someone needs to put that marsupial back into reality.
2: Crayfish.
1: Hahaha. GOOD ONE.
So everyone who knows me knows that I am a complete mess in the morning or any time I'm waking up. I can't control it, I really can't. I'm not conscious, I don't realize that I'm swearing at everyone and being mean. I've woken up to people not speaking to me because of things I've said in the early stages of waking up and have no memory of. This only really happens when someone has the balls to touch me or try and wake me up... if I am able to wake up on my own with no interruptions, my exit from Dream Land is a lot more graceful.
If you don't understand what I'm talking about, let's break it down: I've punched my own beloved mother for touching me while I'm sleeping. I've told so many people to "fuck off" in my sleep that I've lost count. My go-to is "I fucking hate you. Get out of my life." Do you want to know how many people I've said that to? So would I. I honestly have no recollection of doing any of this most of the time, and in the moment there is absolutely no way to stop me. I wish more than anything there was someone in my life who understood that if they touch me or try and kiss my face when I'm passed out I will cut them. That's the key to having any sort of decent relationship with me. Just let me fucking sleep.
Wagandstuff totally gets it, actually... that's where I originally meant to go with all of this. In the mornings, he leaves me alone until I start moving around, and then once I've made some noises and my eyes open up, he lays on his back next to my face and tries to do some French kisses with me. This morning he actually just wrapped himself around the top of my head and licked my nose repeatedly. When he gets going with the French kisses, it's like he can't stop. He's totally the very best boyfriend I've ever had. He really gets me.
Friday night we celebrated my birthday.
These two won for Shit Shows of the Party:
Here are some highlights that weren't captured on film:
1) Some of the guests found a cute Asian girl passed out in a prom dress in the middle of the street. No one knew her, but they dragged her in the house and threw her on the couch to sleep off her situation. Apparently she was shrooming. Her friends showed up a couple hours later, and I don't know any other way to describe them except to say that they looked like they were from the future. They were both dressed to be extras in Back to the Future 2. I really don't know what else to say.
2) I am an unfortunate bitch. I know I got up in at least one person's face. I'm pretty sure there's at least one person who seriously dislikes me for it.
3) Ed tried to scrap with this comedian friend of the person who's house we were at. Ben tried to scrap with a girl who kept taking pictures of me. Z tried to scrap with a few people, I think.
4) This girl brought cupcakes. I don't think they were for everyone, but I ate one anyway. It was delicious.
5) I was hugging aggressively and brunt someone behind me with a cigarette. She kept saying it was OK, but it obviously wasn't. Hey Girl I Burnt, if you're reading this for some reason, I'll totally pay for your dry cleaning.
6) I kept calling some girl named Christine "Michelle".
7) The landlord showed up and for the rest of the night you could hear someone going "SHHHHHHHHHHH!" about every thirty seconds.
It was a seriously fun night, despite occasional weirdness on the part of me and my crazy friends.
One of these days we're going to find a place that can handle our shenanigans.
