34 posts tagged “hilarious”
The other night my mom came home really drunk from a party with my step dad and she asked to make a video with me. She wanted to talk cooking in her crockpot.
Oh, and this was her when she just came in the door:
My cousin Fiona came up to my area last night and we hit up some of my old college spots and once we were sufficiently wasted, we made our way down to Fenway and went to Tequila Rain on Lansdowne. There we proceeded to drink tons of tequila and the last thing I remember was Fiona's boyfriend telling us a story about some girl he knew who was tripping on mushrooms and then stripped in front of a party full of people and then proceeded to finger herself on the ground while licking the living room carpet. Honestly, I think laughing at that story made me black out.
And this is me today:
This is hilarious. Julie Klausner = Awesome.
Well, I certainly haven't laughed this hard in a really long time, you guys.
I sent my photo to this girl on YouTube named Johannady who draws pictures of people by request with accompanying video. Today she sent me my sketch and the video of her drawing it. It's one of the most hilarious and surreal things I have ever seen in my life. The video, the music, her little bumper at the end to get more people to sign up... it's so ridiculous and awesome. Everyone should send this girl a photo.
Awesome.
I sent my photo to this girl on YouTube named Johannady who draws pictures of people by request with accompanying video. Today she sent me my sketch and the video of her drawing it. It's one of the most hilarious and surreal things I have ever seen in my life. The video, the music, her little bumper at the end to get more people to sign up... it's so ridiculous and awesome. Everyone should send this girl a photo.
I removed the person's name to protect them and their douchiness, but this is an actual status message of someone I "know" on Facebook. I am positive that they are not kidding. And that it makes me really uncomfortable.
Guess who hates Kim on Housewives too?
Yeah, that'd be my main bitch, aka Momsies
Yeah, that'd be my main bitch, aka Momsies
This is going to have to be filed under the category of "DAAAAAAAAAAANG, GIRL! Anything ELSE!?"
Alexis doesn't get mean often, but when she does it's like that crazy sorority girl gone loose in Cabo at some all-inclusive resort where she takes a liking to the taste of Bahama Mamas and a bartender named Stephan who would run away with her if only his wife was dead. When Alexis assumes this persona it's like she's all "I'll kill your fucking wife in a hot second if you promise to never leave me."
Ride-or-die bitch, you guys. That's what she is. Forever.
Alexis doesn't get mean often, but when she does it's like that crazy sorority girl gone loose in Cabo at some all-inclusive resort where she takes a liking to the taste of Bahama Mamas and a bartender named Stephan who would run away with her if only his wife was dead. When Alexis assumes this persona it's like she's all "I'll kill your fucking wife in a hot second if you promise to never leave me."
Ride-or-die bitch, you guys. That's what she is. Forever.
This is what happened tonight:
1) Alexis and I went to Target and Trader Joe's because those are the kinds of places we go on lady dates. In high school we (me and lady friends) always went to Chilis or the Burlington Mall. Why would we sit around an Awesome Blossom in a suburb when we can stare at middle-class Americans strolling around a chain discount store in their best post-work casual buying shit that they don't need? (I bought buffalo wing flavored mac and cheese tonight. I'm not fucking innocent. I'm just saying that's what goes on there. Have you ever seen the dollar section at Target? It's a place like that where you realize exactly how someone like George W. Bush gets voted in to office not once, but twice. Humanity is a fucking shithole these days, you guys. Vote Obama, for serious...)
2) We came back to my place and I was all, "Dude! Girl Talk tomorrow! I'm going to make pot brownies!" My mother reads this blog and I'm not proud to announce that, but this is a special weekend and I'm doing good things with my life, so Mom and anyone else who may be appalled by my behavior: I love you. I'm sorry I'm an asshole. Now let's party big in '08, right? Year's almost out and it's the freakin' weekend. You know, like in that Ignition Remix by R. Kelly.
3) Halfway through boiling a bunch of stuff in a pot, I realize that I don't have any good cookie mix. It's sad to think that I could start this process, assuring myself that I simply MUST have cookie or brownie mix somewhere. This is an example of my unhealthy lifestyle, you guys. I just assume that if it's disgusting and delicious at the same time that it's probably in my possession somewhere. But it expired in 2007. I feel like I can't even remember 2007. I feel like that was before I was born it was so long ago. So yeah, kinda drunk and full on the green beans and pizza we ate, we walked to the store, bought oatmeal cookie mix and shoplifted an egg. Just keep reading.
4) Then we came back to my house and played with my dog. In existence there is a five minute video of Alexis dancing with my dog but I can't put it up because it's technically just a shot of Wagandstuff's asshole framed by Alexis' ample cleavage. The cleavage shot was an accident. Point is: It's too sexy/degrading for Molls...She Wrote, and that's really saying something. Have you guys seen how I degrade myself? Don't worry, I'm in on the bit. It's controlled degrading, which isn't even really degrading at all. Yay! We all win!
5) After the pot cookies were in the oven, Alexis and I went on Facebook and laughed about people we don't know that well. Don't worry, no you. I can pretty much promise we weren't laughing about you. Anyone we were laughing at would have quit reading this about one thousand words ago due to exhaustion and then they'd go treat themselves to something really, REALLY bad, like a pint of frogert and a Sex in the City marathon (quoting all of Samantha's lines and like, completely relating even though they are totally still a Carrie!)
6) Then Alexis passed out on my bed and I went in to the kitchen and decided to test one of the cookies and have been fighting off Wags (who's begging for a bite) the entire time I've been writing this.
1) Alexis and I went to Target and Trader Joe's because those are the kinds of places we go on lady dates. In high school we (me and lady friends) always went to Chilis or the Burlington Mall. Why would we sit around an Awesome Blossom in a suburb when we can stare at middle-class Americans strolling around a chain discount store in their best post-work casual buying shit that they don't need? (I bought buffalo wing flavored mac and cheese tonight. I'm not fucking innocent. I'm just saying that's what goes on there. Have you ever seen the dollar section at Target? It's a place like that where you realize exactly how someone like George W. Bush gets voted in to office not once, but twice. Humanity is a fucking shithole these days, you guys. Vote Obama, for serious...)
2) We came back to my place and I was all, "Dude! Girl Talk tomorrow! I'm going to make pot brownies!" My mother reads this blog and I'm not proud to announce that, but this is a special weekend and I'm doing good things with my life, so Mom and anyone else who may be appalled by my behavior: I love you. I'm sorry I'm an asshole. Now let's party big in '08, right? Year's almost out and it's the freakin' weekend. You know, like in that Ignition Remix by R. Kelly.
3) Halfway through boiling a bunch of stuff in a pot, I realize that I don't have any good cookie mix. It's sad to think that I could start this process, assuring myself that I simply MUST have cookie or brownie mix somewhere. This is an example of my unhealthy lifestyle, you guys. I just assume that if it's disgusting and delicious at the same time that it's probably in my possession somewhere. But it expired in 2007. I feel like I can't even remember 2007. I feel like that was before I was born it was so long ago. So yeah, kinda drunk and full on the green beans and pizza we ate, we walked to the store, bought oatmeal cookie mix and shoplifted an egg. Just keep reading.
4) Then we came back to my house and played with my dog. In existence there is a five minute video of Alexis dancing with my dog but I can't put it up because it's technically just a shot of Wagandstuff's asshole framed by Alexis' ample cleavage. The cleavage shot was an accident. Point is: It's too sexy/degrading for Molls...She Wrote, and that's really saying something. Have you guys seen how I degrade myself? Don't worry, I'm in on the bit. It's controlled degrading, which isn't even really degrading at all. Yay! We all win!
5) After the pot cookies were in the oven, Alexis and I went on Facebook and laughed about people we don't know that well. Don't worry, no you. I can pretty much promise we weren't laughing about you. Anyone we were laughing at would have quit reading this about one thousand words ago due to exhaustion and then they'd go treat themselves to something really, REALLY bad, like a pint of frogert and a Sex in the City marathon (quoting all of Samantha's lines and like, completely relating even though they are totally still a Carrie!)
6) Then Alexis passed out on my bed and I went in to the kitchen and decided to test one of the cookies and have been fighting off Wags (who's begging for a bite) the entire time I've been writing this.
