22 posts tagged “google”
I was just Googling "high-end consignment stores" AND "Boca Raton" for my mother while she was on the phone from Florida, where she and her friend Jan are driving around looking to score some deals. [Sidenote: I cannot fucking believe I wrote that last sentence.]
Alexis doesn't get mean often, but when she does it's like that crazy sorority girl gone loose in Cabo at some all-inclusive resort where she takes a liking to the taste of Bahama Mamas and a bartender named Stephan who would run away with her if only his wife was dead. When Alexis assumes this persona it's like she's all "I'll kill your fucking wife in a hot second if you promise to never leave me."
Ride-or-die bitch, you guys. That's what she is. Forever.
I don't know if you guys are in to looking at totally gross stuff or not, but sometimes I get really disgusting with my Google image searches and let me tell you something: A really really bad case of genital warts looks EXACTLY like a tuna sandwich.
If you're in to that kind of thing, go look it up. I can't be posting that shit here because my mom reads this (hey, Momsies!), but if you feel so inclined to look it up, I would strongly encourage you to do so. If you're over 18. If you're not over 18, what the hell kind of parents do you have? Go out and play some sports while you still have the energy or at least go read the blog of someone who has a grip on grammar and the English language. I know ninety-seven words.
I think there's something quite crass about Google-ing people you know. I think it's almost sick, actually, to Google the name of a friend or an ex's new girl friend or potential love interest or something.
1) As if anything good could come of that. Ever. Under any circumstances. If the person has anything on the Internet about themselves, you will probably think they are a creep. If the person has nothing about themselves out there, then you'll think they are bizarre ("He doesn't even have a MySpace page*!"). If you secretly fear that someone you're searching is better-looking or more intelligent or has done cooler things than you, then you're probably going to find that to be true while obsessing over their blog or Facebook photos.
2) Someone's Internet persona has almost nothing to do with how they present themselves in real life. It's like going to a new city where no one knows your name. It's the dude next to you in the cubicle at Warner Bros who's on some message board tearing some stranger a new virtual asshole over the series finale of The X-Files. It's your second cousin leaving borderline pedophilic comments on a YouTube video of fourteen year olds dancing in front of their web cams. It doesn't mean they'd ever have the balls or inclination to do the same thing in the flesh or that they took what they were doing as seriously as you are.
3) Fuck the Internet, you guys.
*Outdated reference, FTW.
CARLES from Hipster Runoff g-chatted me today.
OMFG
Wow.
It was everything I could have ever wanted and more. No joke. Best day ever.
So here's something fun and creepy:
OK, that wasn't totally not dark, but this is still kind of fun.
Me: She seems too pretty for him.
Alexis: Yeah, well she seems equally crazy, so it might just be perfect.
