27 posts tagged “feelings”
When I was in college had this lethal case of the Unrequited Loves for this dude who had the most ridiculous blue eyes ever and could make me laugh harder than pretty much anyone. When I came out to LA before my senior year of college, I used to drive around in my KIA rental car listening to this song on repeat and thinking about him. While I'm fairly certain he will always hold a very special place in my heart, I am really glad I can enjoy this jam again without feeling like a dejected loser.
I'm not as doomed feeling as I was last week, but I'm definitely afraid I lost one of my worksheets for algebra.
NEARLY PERFECT.
On Sundays I totally want to not live any more. Every Sunday, there is at least one moment when I say to myself "It would have been convenient to have not woken up today."
Sundays are boring and guilt-filled days. You regret everything you've done and haven't done and you're stuck in a place where you can't really do anything because a bunch of annoying religious-types decided a long time ago that Sunday was Punishment Day and all the banks and fun stores and cool things should be shut down or unavailable. This is the day you sit on your hands and watch your life spin out of control all around you. Don't even say anything because you won't get a response... It's Sunday.
Oddly enough, I never felt that way when I was working my real-person job at Defamer because I liked feeling important and didn't mind pushing through until Monday when my routine would kick in again. It's all leftover emotional shit from childhood, like that famous 60 Minutes quote from My So-Called Life that says something about the ticking clock and how it feels like it's actually counting down your life. I always felt that way Sunday nights growing up. After Murder, She Wrote and Touched By an Angel, the two programs I looked forward to all week, the week was over for good and what you've done and not done was in the books for life. It's like the night before running a marathon that you have to run to save your life or something. Who the fuck wants to wake up and run that day?
Not this lady.
So I'm metaphorically carb-loading and putting Band-Aids on my nipples right now. When you run 26 miles in a mesh tank top, your nipples are bound to wind up bloody.
Sundays are boring and guilt-filled days. You regret everything you've done and haven't done and you're stuck in a place where you can't really do anything because a bunch of annoying religious-types decided a long time ago that Sunday was Punishment Day and all the banks and fun stores and cool things should be shut down or unavailable. This is the day you sit on your hands and watch your life spin out of control all around you. Don't even say anything because you won't get a response... It's Sunday.
Oddly enough, I never felt that way when I was working my real-person job at Defamer because I liked feeling important and didn't mind pushing through until Monday when my routine would kick in again. It's all leftover emotional shit from childhood, like that famous 60 Minutes quote from My So-Called Life that says something about the ticking clock and how it feels like it's actually counting down your life. I always felt that way Sunday nights growing up. After Murder, She Wrote and Touched By an Angel, the two programs I looked forward to all week, the week was over for good and what you've done and not done was in the books for life. It's like the night before running a marathon that you have to run to save your life or something. Who the fuck wants to wake up and run that day?
Not this lady.
So I'm metaphorically carb-loading and putting Band-Aids on my nipples right now. When you run 26 miles in a mesh tank top, your nipples are bound to wind up bloody.
So yeah. I just kept talkin'. Sorry.
The meeting actually went really, really well. I was just still grumpy from my sleep.
But yeah, that Suzanne Sommers thing made an impact on me.
The meeting actually went really, really well. I was just still grumpy from my sleep.
But yeah, that Suzanne Sommers thing made an impact on me.
I guess I do OK for myself but sometimes, especially when I got The Strokes on and a dog biting my sniffer, I feel like a total loser. I'm probably getting my period. I know that I'm supposed to mark this shit on a calendar, but I don't like checking my mail, so if I started doing things like marking my period on a calendar, I would feel like TOTALLY out of line. Like, who would I be to be so concerned that I need to buy tampons and prepare to start crying at NeNe and Kim's friendship of The Real Housewives of Atlanta (it's like-- why can't they just be really real with each other? Why are they throwing away years and years of friendship to sell each other out on camera?**), yet I don't know if I'm receiving mailings from the IRS saying they're coming to my house to metaphorically rape me or like, maybe not even metaphorically.
There are certain aspects of my personal brand that demand consistency.
** I just wanted to say that I've really thought about this and I am personally really disgusted if NeNe and Kim are as close as they claim they are on the show. I think it's completely heinous how they've thrown each other under the bus. And don't even get me started on that Sherae or whatever her name is. The one Kim thinks is "the black version of her"? I'll just call her The Black Kim because I don't want to look up her name and that seems to be something they are both comfortable with. Anyway. Yeah. That lady can shove it. She's fake as shit. NeNe, in all of her mislead bougieness, is a good person from what I can tell. She's a freakin' self esteem case. She's only harmful because she's flailing on the inside. Kim sees that and like every other aspect of her life, seemingly manipulates it within an inch of its life. 1) I've read that her lover (and from what we can see provider) "Big Poppa" is kept on the DL because he's a married man. Don't act like your mind didn't go there as soon as she said he wanted to keep anonymous. How are you going to be carrying on an affair via television like that? Even if she's just talking to him on the phone while he's buying her a tricked out Caddy... Any smart bitch with a shitty marriage whose family has the kind of income that wouldn't be effected by the purchase of a serious vehicle would be checking every statement in her husbands name looking for that purchase. People are going to get hurt no matter whose face is on TV. 2) She's a clear climber. She has seen first hand how NeNe is bruised by her friendship with The Black Kim and she continues making the crossing of paths more and more awkward. I realize it's reality TV and every thing's set up, but the producer isn't living in lower back corner of her mouth (I deleted "whore". I was going to call her a "whore mouth", but I don't have proof she's an actual whore. All signs point to her being a certified ho, but I have journalistic integrity and I won't publish things I know could be false) making her say horrible and catty things. I feel like when NeNe's shit talking, it's just because she doesn't want to get completely railroaded by those other two cunts on Bravo. I respect her for that. And she's campy. Like, I can really get behind NeNe.
Anyway, that's just some stuff I realy needed to talk about.
There are certain aspects of my personal brand that demand consistency.
** I just wanted to say that I've really thought about this and I am personally really disgusted if NeNe and Kim are as close as they claim they are on the show. I think it's completely heinous how they've thrown each other under the bus. And don't even get me started on that Sherae or whatever her name is. The one Kim thinks is "the black version of her"? I'll just call her The Black Kim because I don't want to look up her name and that seems to be something they are both comfortable with. Anyway. Yeah. That lady can shove it. She's fake as shit. NeNe, in all of her mislead bougieness, is a good person from what I can tell. She's a freakin' self esteem case. She's only harmful because she's flailing on the inside. Kim sees that and like every other aspect of her life, seemingly manipulates it within an inch of its life. 1) I've read that her lover (and from what we can see provider) "Big Poppa" is kept on the DL because he's a married man. Don't act like your mind didn't go there as soon as she said he wanted to keep anonymous. How are you going to be carrying on an affair via television like that? Even if she's just talking to him on the phone while he's buying her a tricked out Caddy... Any smart bitch with a shitty marriage whose family has the kind of income that wouldn't be effected by the purchase of a serious vehicle would be checking every statement in her husbands name looking for that purchase. People are going to get hurt no matter whose face is on TV. 2) She's a clear climber. She has seen first hand how NeNe is bruised by her friendship with The Black Kim and she continues making the crossing of paths more and more awkward. I realize it's reality TV and every thing's set up, but the producer isn't living in lower back corner of her mouth (I deleted "whore". I was going to call her a "whore mouth", but I don't have proof she's an actual whore. All signs point to her being a certified ho, but I have journalistic integrity and I won't publish things I know could be false) making her say horrible and catty things. I feel like when NeNe's shit talking, it's just because she doesn't want to get completely railroaded by those other two cunts on Bravo. I respect her for that. And she's campy. Like, I can really get behind NeNe.
Anyway, that's just some stuff I realy needed to talk about.
Right, you guys?
P.S. Spiegs. Sorry I called you a lesbo for liking this band. That wasn't cool or very 2008-ish of me and they are OK sometimes in the same way Dave Matthews is.
P.S. Spiegs. Sorry I called you a lesbo for liking this band. That wasn't cool or very 2008-ish of me and they are OK sometimes in the same way Dave Matthews is.
My duvet cover is in the dryer. I just took three Tylenol PM because I have a lot of sad feelings to try and sleep off. I don't want to get it now because I will undoubtedly run in to the gang members I can hear whisting at each other outside my window. I need to sleep, but my wonderful chocolate brown and powder blue duvet with suede details that I bought with what turned out to be my second-to-last check from Gawker ever might totally get stolen out of the dryer by the time I've woken from this OTC-induced coma.
What am I supposed to do? Why is my life so hard in a way that it sounds miserable and petty to complain about? Why does doing laundry emotionally drain me? What is the greater significance?
I bet you 100 bucks I'm getting my period within a week and I forgot. 100 dollars, internet. I'll be setting up a PayPal.
This song is playing in the grocery store of my mind today.
I have to go to the actual grocery store now and get my puppy some food and myself some coffee. After that I have to work on a screenjunkies piece. Then, to be honest, I am going to spend about an hour debating whether or not I have it in me to do laundry. Then I'll probably exhaust myself mentally thinking about that and other small things and then quit and take half a Xanax and get in to bed with Hulu and my dog and hope that tomorrow's better.
BTW, I'm thinking of canceling my cable because TV disgusts me, but I'm afraid 9/11 Part 2 (the Remix) is going to happen and the internet will crash in my area and then it will just be me and the dog and some 90210 DVDs that fail to capture the horror that's going on outside.
Not to be an upper, you guys.
I have to go to the actual grocery store now and get my puppy some food and myself some coffee. After that I have to work on a screenjunkies piece. Then, to be honest, I am going to spend about an hour debating whether or not I have it in me to do laundry. Then I'll probably exhaust myself mentally thinking about that and other small things and then quit and take half a Xanax and get in to bed with Hulu and my dog and hope that tomorrow's better.
BTW, I'm thinking of canceling my cable because TV disgusts me, but I'm afraid 9/11 Part 2 (the Remix) is going to happen and the internet will crash in my area and then it will just be me and the dog and some 90210 DVDs that fail to capture the horror that's going on outside.
Not to be an upper, you guys.
