3 posts tagged “cooking”
Today I went into the kitchen to grab a spoon to eat my yogurt with.
I rarely use my kitchen or any of the appliances, although I do have a lot of stuff from when I first moved out here and attempted to be domestic with my ex-boyfriend. I actually came home from work and made things like chicken parmigiana and random pasta dishes I invented every night single night. Some Sundays I would stay in all day and cook food for the week and save it neatly in tupperware containers that I had labeled with its contents and the date so we could easily reheat them when I was too tired to cook. I'm sure you all think I'm lying because it's the opposite of pretty much everything I've set you up to expect from me, but trust me... there was really a time in my life where I cooked for a man seven days a week and then did the dishes after... and honestly? I didn't mind it because I loved him. Needless to say, pretty much all of the cooking utensils I acquired over that time are now just sleeping in kitchen drawers and will stay there until I move again and pack them into boxes in preparation for them to live in new drawers where they'll never be touched. It's all just shit I gotta move around now.
So, I'm looking in the drawer to the left of my sink where I keep all the utensils, corkscrews, and other small shit of that nature and I noticed that I keep seeing the same vegetable peeler over and over again. So I take it out of the drawer and put it on the counter so I can continue on my hunt without tripping over it again. Then I realize that the reason why I kept seeing the vegetable peeler is that I own THREE of them.
I own THREE vegetable peelers. I don't ever remember a time where I was peeling vegetables while I've lived here. Even when I was playing Julia Child for the ex, I still dumped a bag of mini carrots in the steamer. Maybe for mashed potatoes on a couple occasions-- maybe that's why I had one of them... but three? I am borderline fully confident that most of my friends don't even own one vegetable peeler, let alone three of them that are wasting their lives away inside of a drawer.
This is why I hate Americans. Like, who the fuck is running around with three vegetable peelers in their possession and doesn't even know it? I feel like I have to donate them somewhere now because I feel so guilty. It's not that they're expensive or that important, but how can I have multiples of something completely unbeknownst to me? Did I also forget about the blood diamonds I shoved in the back of my freezer along with that piece of pie I bought on impulse over a year ago? I know that pie is still sitting there, I remember the pie... but who knows what else I've accumulated and forgotten about. Do I have an adopted AIDS baby shoved in the storage box I keep my leggings in? What about an urn full of Abe Lincolns pubic hair or Frank Sinatra's last breath trapped in a mayonnaise jar just haphazardly crammed under the bathroom sink next to the toilet brush?
Selfish, selfish, selfish.
If you live in LA and need a vegetable peeler, send me an email. I have at least two I'm going to give away. I figure I need to keep one because I'm sure my mom sent me one of them. I know if she came out here and needed to use it, I'd have to explain that I gave it away over the internet because I realized that I'm a wasteful whore. That's too much work just to eat some yams or whatever.
Seriously, if you want one of the peelers, email me. I'll see what I can do about getting it to you.
Fuck hummus.
I'm sleepy.
Frozen pizza.
I have a can of chick peas in my cubbord that have been there since my mom made me chili almost a year ago. They've actually moved from my old apartment to my new one. It's time to get rid of them.
I was thinking I could give them away (I donate canned goods every year at Thanksgiving because I always have so many random cans of soup and vegetables), but then I was all "Hey, I should try and make hummus, that'd totally be fun and different."
So I Googled, and this is what came up first:
Everything You Wanted to Know About Hummus but Were Afraid to Ask
First of all, totally lame title. I know it's supposed to be a joke, but it's so dumb you kind of can't get past that "who's afraid to ask about humus?" thought. I actually feel bad for the dude who wrote the article. His profile picture on the website made him look like a wannabe jock who's unathletic, but is stil a huge meathead.
Anyway, I'm totally going to make hummus tomorrow when I'm done working.
I'll let you know how it goes.
