molls...she wrote

here are the times it's cool to be an alcoholic:

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 02:05:36 -0700

1) When you are like a 45+ year old man and you are unable to commit to anything but your love for alcohol and how good it feels to forget.

2) When you are a 21 year old girl and you’ve got huge tits and a sparkly top on.

Here are the times it’s not cool to be an alcoholic:

1) When you are me.

2) All the other times.

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intervention

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 20:25:30 -0700

I've been watching Intervention on A&E on and off for years. Today after work I decided to see if I could catch an episode or two on OnDemand.

In case you've never seen the show (and you really should, if not just to reinforce all the reasons you shouldn't smoke crack, do meth, pop oxys, et c.), a camera crew follows an addict for a week or so and then at the end of the week, they stage an intervention with the addicts family and friends. It's usually a roller coaster... Occasionally it seems funny, but most of the time it is just really, deeply depressing.

Of course there's nothing funny about addiction, but occasionally they have a real personality on the show. The best example of this is pointed out on Jezebel, and while there's definitely sadness here at the end of the day, there's also a moment or two where you kind of laugh to yourself and say "That bitch is BUCKWILD."

The episode I watched today, which ended so much more positively than almost any other Intervention I've seen before (and that's why I feel comfortable posting this in the first place), featured a kid named Jake who had a drinking problem as a result of a traumatic childhood incident. Every day he would drink two pints of whiskey and a 12-pack of beer, which would result in him fighting nearly 5 times a week. One fight they documented on the show started with he "flexed" at a dude in a bar where he had presumably been in many fights. The bouncer, who seemed to be a friend, took him outside to put him in a cab, and that's where the shit hit the fan:

Flexin'

Listen, as someone who watched the show, let me tell you... he was indeed flexin'. Definitely flexin'. How many of you have seen a friend get this drunk or have been drunk yourself. It's like you can see his thought process.

Anyway, I'm going to go get drunk with my friends...

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...and they were really mad about the gin-infused deodorant called "nestorianism"

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 14:20:17 -0800

"They used to make this shampoo that had tequila in it and it was called Born Again. It was great, just really great stuff, but people at the church wouldn't buy it because of the name. I think that's just being too sensitive."

- A woman in a baby-pink blazer, sitting with her church group this morning at the Coffee Bean on Wilshire and Western

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asking to be mugged

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 18:45:11 -0800

I just walked down the street with close to 40 porno DVDs and what appears to be a butt plug. Also, a giant vibrator... but if anyone asks, I "lost it".

Want some free skin flicks? Come on down to The Prince tonight.

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gimme a "hoooo" if you got your funky bus fare

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 14:43:46 -0700

After being in Boston for four days, Edward is back and tonight we're going out to paint the town gay. This will involve liquor, neon patent leather and dancing...

BOOTIE_LA_AUG_2_07_041_P_

When we dance, we sing the words to every song and Edward looks at me like he just might like women. Last time we were getting down around town, we decided to start grinding in the middle of the walkway and everyone who wanted to leave the bar had to make their way through our jungle of passion. Jordanza has said "why don't you two just fuck?". You know, when we're 45 and things still aren't looking up, we just might.

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