molls...she wrote

kids in the hall

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Fri, 09 May 2008 13:25:21 -0700

For Ed's birthday, I tried to get him Kanye West tickets. When that didn't work, I went for the Kids in the Hall tickets. I figured that you can't go wrong with Canadian sketch comedy.

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home is where my job is

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 01:40:48 -0700

So, I just got back to LA from a weekend in Boston. I miss it already.

I'll post pictures and maybe a video soon, but here's a couple things I want to say:

1) The Hello...Shovelhead! show this weekend was amazing. My friends are very talented and I was a part of something extremely special. There's no way that I'd be doing what I do if it wasn't for that experience and the people I shared it with.

2) My mom's store is awesome. If you live in Massachusetts, go check out her store in Needham or any of the other locations (I'm also partial to the Newbury St. one-- great designer deals.)

3) One of my all time greatest friends and my (most frequent) Shovelhead writing partner Ryan is moving out to LA soon. I'm blogging this because when I blog things, they become fact.

4) Today is my fake boyfriend Ed's birthday... I made him this to celebrate:

Ed's Birthday Dance

5) Wagandstuff and my mom's dog Cam got along pretty well considering Wagandstuff is a meanie. I love him. I don't care that he's mean, but it's true. It would be untruthful of me to pretend that he's not. Stop thinking I don't love my dog. My uterus flutters when I think of him... that's how much I love that mean little dog.

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50 wagandstuffs

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 20:00:47 -0700

Happy Birthday, Wagandstuff!

At midnight tonight, my little Cheese Doodle is turning one. I can't believe either of us made it.

Happy Birthday, Wags!

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fancy birthday shit

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 17:54:53 -0800

We were originally supposed to go out on Wednesday, but we wound up celebrating Kendall's birthday last night. Dinner at Cobras y Matadors and drinks at the Cha Cha. Kendall and I traded coats because mine matched her outfit better. I was so happy to wear her blue trench. I've had my eye on that thing since the day she got it.

claire looks pissed, i'm pouting and kendall looks kinda blissful. glad we're on the same page.

"drunkface" has officially set in for me in this picture.

nomnomnomnomnomnom

"tom from improv" and me and my finger 'stache

bill must have said something totally hilarious before i took this

i took this picture. i'm proud of it.

outside the bar

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things to be excited about

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 10:38:00 -0800

1) Yesterday was Kendall's birthday. Tonight we're doing something to celebrate. I love Kendall and celebrations.

2) My Al Jazeera segment will most likely be airing on Friday and if it does, it will be available online. You don't have to live in the Middle East, the UK, Vermont or Ohio to watch me embarrass myself in front of 100 million people! Woo! (Part of me thinks it's exciting, part of me hopes that I get cut out so I don't have to deal with any embarrassing repercussions)

3) My ticket home to Boston for April is booked and guess what?! I'm going to be home for Shovelhead AND Wagandstuff's birthday weekend! And this time he's coming home with me! Strippers and bacon cake for everyone!

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lady things

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 23:10:54 -0800

This morning I woke up drunk and ate an orange in bed. Then I started getting really sick and proceeded to vomit for about four hours, on and off.

I'm chill now, don't worry. Wagandstuff gets the cutest look on his face when I barf. He's all "HEY MOM! DON'T THROW THAT GOOD STUFF IN THE TOILET! I'LL EAT IT!"

I went to Vera's for a birthday lunch. She made a TON of food, all really healthy and delicious because that's how she rolls. It was me in a room of about 8 other women for upwards of four hours. That happens... never. It's not that I don't like women, which is something I may have mistakenly said in the past when I didn't have the right words for it. I've come to realize it's not that I dislike other women, it's that I am bad at them. Bad at them the way I was at jumping the hurdles in gym class-- I would run toward it, but as soon as I'd get there, I would completely fall apart. I was afraid of tripping on it and falling. I'm not leading up to some sort of metaphor, I'm just sharing. I guess maybe there could be a metaphor there, because it really is more of a fear than anything. I just feel like I have to play my cards right all the time with other women... don't seem neurotic, look good, keep interested and alert during conversation... so like, pretty much don't be me. That's a lot of pressure. It's bullshit insecurity and I'm writing about it on the internet. How self-indulgent! This is ice cream for narcissists, this blogging stuff!

But yeah, lunch was great. I really enjoyed everyone there. It makes sense that Vera has excellent taste in people. I got her a Chia Pet and some stickers shaped like fish.

I wanted to go to UCB tonight, but I had to pass because I needed to go home and start getting my life together. My weekends have been seeming SO much longer with the increase of my work schedule-- hours and minutes have started meaning much more, yet I still feel totally unproductive during that two day span every week. I should totally work on that.

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i don't want another birthday for at least a year

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 14:47:35 -0800

Friday night we celebrated my birthday.

These two won for Shit Shows of the Party:

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Edmolls2

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N1604653_33908047_5394

Ed left kind of early after he walked up to me outside and said "Molly... Molly... I smokes. I smokes pot. I should have never smokeded pot."

N1604653_33908048_5694

I am surprised by how many of the people I invited showed up. I usually feel like a friendless bitch, but peeps totally love me as much as I love them. Perf.

my crew

I was completely wasted almost the entire time. Two people made comments to me that incinuated that I should potentially seek treatment for my drinking problem. Those two people have been blacklisted from my vagina/heart.

snugz

Perhaps the greatest surprise of the night was when my flaky hipster friend Andy showed up. I was with him when he turned 25, so I guess it was only fair he be with me on my special day. Andy always says sweet things to me that melt my bitter little heart.

andy's like a professional party photo poser

walking disaster

At one point I lost my hair elastic and my side-pony fell out. I asked about three people if I was becoming that girl at the party who was falling apart and deteriorating in front of their eyes. They kindly lied and said no.

jazz hands

Some people from my improv class showed up. Jim (the furriest dude in this pic) and I are nearly exclusively internet friends, so Friday was a big step for our RL friendship.

a geisha and a t-rex

kendall and bill

Kendall rolled up with her boyf and some others. Believe it or not, this is only the second time I've met Bill, and the first time was over a year ago.

Here are some highlights that weren't captured on film:

1) Some of the guests found a cute Asian girl passed out in a prom dress in the middle of the street. No one knew her, but they dragged her in the house and threw her on the couch to sleep off her situation. Apparently she was shrooming. Her friends showed up a couple hours later, and I don't know any other way to describe them except to say that they looked like they were from the future. They were both dressed to be extras in Back to the Future 2. I really don't know what else to say.

2) I am an unfortunate bitch. I know I got up in at least one person's face. I'm pretty sure there's at least one person who seriously dislikes me for it.

3) Ed tried to scrap with this comedian friend of the person who's house we were at. Ben tried to scrap with a girl who kept taking pictures of me. Z tried to scrap with a few people, I think.

4) This girl brought cupcakes. I don't think they were for everyone, but I ate one anyway. It was delicious.

5) I was hugging aggressively and brunt someone behind me with a cigarette. She kept saying it was OK, but it obviously wasn't. Hey Girl I Burnt, if you're reading this for some reason, I'll totally pay for your dry cleaning.

6) I kept calling some girl named Christine "Michelle".

7) The landlord showed up and for the rest of the night you could hear someone going "SHHHHHHHHHHH!" about every thirty seconds.

It was a seriously fun night, despite occasional weirdness on the part of me and my crazy friends.

One of these days we're going to find a place that can handle our shenanigans.

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presents from the internets

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 15:12:16 -0800

Here are some of the things people sent me for my birthday:

Thank you SO much to the people who made things for me. Everything is the best.

If you want a copy of the song (because let's face it-- that's the fucking jam), email me at mollsshewrote@gmail.com and I'll send you a copy.

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anniversary of life, bitch

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 08:49:01 -0800

My birthday has never been the biggest deal because it's so close to Christmas. I think some years I would have my birthday party in like, March because my mom's event-planning business would keep her busy throughout the majority of the season... but there were a few things she'd always do to celebrate this day.

1) She'd tell the story of the day I was born. It always ended like this "...and the nurse said, "You have a little girl" and I was soooo happy."

2) Every year I'd have a "princess bubble bath" drawn for me that included new bubble bath and some sort of pastry sitting on the side of the tub. Last time it was an éclair, I believe.

3) She'd play this song:

Wonder

Natalie Merchant

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starting/ending my career

nobody@vox.com(molls) — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 08:09:24 -0800

yes, this is the screengrab i chose.

Point/Counterpoint with Alex and Molly

It would make sense that on my 24th birthday I am featured in my birthday suit on Gawker Media. Everyone has armpit fat, get over it. I'm a woman. Probs too much woman for you to handle, thass fo' sho.

[UPDATE] Someone in the comments on Gawker called me Moon Unit! OMG! MOON UNIT! As in "ZAPPA"!!! That's the fucking best. Like, fer sure.

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