way to cap off the weekend

Have any of you ever spent the remainder of your Sunday night coaxing a chihuahua into vomiting up old birth control? Oh, OK. Allow me to fill you in.

First of all, I don't know how  he got the pills. I can assume he did something really sneaky/interesting to find them because not even I knew I was still in possession of them. In fact, I assumed when I heard the jingle jangle of pills that he had actually gotten into a package of Tic Tacs. Then I realized I hadn't bought Tic Tacs in forever, and I ate the ones my mom sent me in one sitting. Like candy. So then it hits me that he must have some left over flu meds he snuck out of my bedside table, so I dash under the bed and find him chomping not on Tylenol, but a little round pill packet with four different colored pills inside. Fuck, right?

I didn't even know I still had them. It could have been worse, but I didn't want to run the risk of my dog dying and/or growing lady breasts, so I grabbed the hydrogen peroxide, gave him half a teaspoon and bounced him around on my hip for ten minutes. Then he puked. He ate more for dinner than I thought he did, that's for sure. He also doesn't chew as much as I imagined.

He's fine now. He's already danced around and wagged his tail and now he's passed out at my feet... but I keep poking him every few minutes to make sure he's still alive.

[Note: I hope you know that I am so paranoid that I almost considered not writing this post because now everyone now knows I'm not on birth control. If some sicko internet perv wants a love child with me, they now know their chances are that much more greatly increased if they rape me (which would be totally futile cause AS IF I'm having my rapist's baby). Listen: I hope you know, Sicko Internet Pervs, that I'm on to your game and since I've already written about this on my blog, the police are going to know where to start looking first. An IP address isn't hard to find. You've been warned.]