i'm a sophisticated kind of bitch

Blakeley, my crazy boss who has recently gained a small amount of internet fame for his random acts of douchiness, set me up with SiteMeter to monitor my traffic.

I tend to think that most information of this nature is more harmful than helpful, as I have been confronted by the fact that I know for sure some people are reading this site that I don't want being interested in me or anything I do. Not my family or anything, more like creepy stalker-types who should have fucked off and died a long time ago.

I don't particularly care enough to stop writing or to make this blog private, but if you think you might be one of these people, please know that I mean that whole "fuck off and die" thing from the bottom of my curly-haired heart. Seriously, you should try it. P.S. For real. You're torturing yourself by reading this crap that I write. Find a hobby (may I suggest collecting doll house furniture?) or go read a book. Just stop paying attention to anything I do because it's all kinds of weird. Thank you.

What's interesting about this whole SiteMeter thing, beside the fact that it's reminded me how many losers I know, is that I've learned I have a great deal of readers from Europe and Asia. Do you know how exciting it is to check your stats and see that the last person who logged on to my page was from Malaysia or Glasgow? I knew about the flood of Australians who managed to find me, but the rest of you was a lovely surprise.

It kind of makes me feel like Ludacris. Pimpin' ALL over the world, you know?

P.S. Someone from Surrey has been reading my blog. Here's the thing about Surrey-- You know how it kind of sounds like Suri, as in Suri Cruise? Well, it's been speculated that Suri was named after the city of Surrey where the Scientologists have their European headquarters. Look: If I'm going to die at the hands of the Scientologists, I'm OK with that, I just would appreciate it if you could let me know beforehand so I can place my dog with someone and clean my apartment so my family doesn't have a lot of work to do when they are cleaning it out after the funeral.

[UPDATE] P.P.S. I should point out that if you have to ask me if I hate you, then I definitely don't hate you. Anyone who I was referring to shit themselves immediately after reading this post and promptly died. Also, sorry to be so hateful the night before Thanksgiving, but cowards get called out any day of the year 'round these parts.