i am not even reasonably important, to be honest

...but that's for real my email inbox. If I haven't responded to your email yet, I pinky swear I'm not a cunt. Just hang in there and in the meantime, listen to one of my all time faves. 

This will make you feel so much better than anything I can put in to writing:

Don't you feel better and less ignored? I hope so. I'm sorry. Some of you write me emails that change my entire day because they are so positive and caring and like... really real. A lot of times I read them on my Blackberry when I'm out at the bar crying about a boy or something, so trust me, they get to me, I just don't always have the will to write back with the tiny keypad and then by the time I get home your email has been buried in 100 other emails. 

So for real: email me. I read them all. If I don't respond it's because you either totally offended me (that's happened like... once) or were so nice that you blew me away and I wanted to give you a proper response but then forgot because like 20 other things happened and then I got all flustered and flakey. And honestly, some of you really have given me a lot of hope for the universe. So like, yeah... Especially you high school girls. I don't know how you find me, but I love that you're here. Also, I didn't drink or smoke pot until I got to college, so don't be some drug-head booze hound like me because you think it's the way to be. It's not. This is what happens when you spend the first 19 years of your life sitting on your hands, being afraid of your mother and trying hard in school and extra curriculars. Your day to guzzle cheap wine until 4 AM will come, but after a lot of hard work and actually acquiring reasons to make drinking worth the inevitable weight gain, hang overs and potential social embarrassment. 

But yeah, the emails. They're great. Thanks.